Hope changes everything

My husband and I have been married for two months and five days. We are still madly in love and even more impressive, still actually like each other and enjoy spending time with each other. And I have yet to meet anyone who thinks there is anything wrong with that last sentence. 

The two of us were friends first, then, within weeks of dating, we both knew that the other was the person we would spend the rest of our lives with. Typical love struck humans, we started plotting our wedding. Everyone who saw us together commented on how clear it was we loved each other. I loved the comments because I do love this man, more than I have ever loved anyone. I thought it was sweet how people would smile, pat us on the back, and tell us congrats for being in love. When we actually got engaged though, the comments changed slightly. Oh, everyone was still excited for us, still commented on how clear it was we loved each other, but the undertone changed. Suddenly it was clear we really were serious about wanting to spend our life together. So what more could people do for us then to offer us advice about life, marriage, and happiness? Let me give you a short list of my favorite advice I received, not necessarily in order.

1. Enjoy the sweet part of it while it lasts.
2. Just wait, give it a few years, then see if you still can't wait to see each other at the end of the day.
3. Write down everything they promise to give you, because later they'll forget.
4. Aw, that's cute. I remember when I was that in love. Enjoy it while it lasts.
5. Enjoy the freedom from each other while it lasts.
6. Enjoy the apologies while they last.
7. This will be the toughest year of your life.
8. Good luck! If you an survive the first year you can survive anything.
9. Enjoy the compliments while they last.
10. Don't forget, you don't need a man to be happy. Women are stronger without men.
11. Just wait till you fight all the time! It'll make before you got married seem perfect!

There was only about two people in the whole world who gave us advice that wasn't riddled with bitterness. So let me quickly explain my frustration. I didn't marry my best friend because I was bored, because of my age, because of convenience, because I really wanted a Keurig, or because we didn't know what else to do. This wasn't a spur of the moment action. We wanted this.  Because we believe in love and hope.

I love this man. And I'm not saying this as the newlywed who can't help herself, but as long as I live I plan to love this man. Not because I think love is something that just happens and you can't help it. I say this because after that first wave of ridiculous attraction that makes everything appear in hearts and pink, I chose to love him. And he picked me back. Every morning when I wake up, I decide to love him. I decide to put him first, to fight for him, with him. I decide that what I want or need comes after what he wants and needs.

I'm not insane. I know the unpretty side. Life will hit us. It already has in some ways. It will tell us that the other person isn't the perfect person they swore they'd be. They fail you and you fail them. This world will try to strip us of our selflessness when it comes to each other and we will be tempted to think the other person isn't giving us as much as we give them. But we both are holding to hope that we will make it through the evil of this twisted world. I have seen and experienced enough pain in this life to know nothing worth having comes easy and that I cannot afford to take happiness and love for granted. Within seconds it could disappear, whether we loose our way or we loose our life.

But do not tell me to give up hope. Do not tell me "just wait", "enjoy...while it lasts", "you're trying too hard". What happened to fighting? Next time you think the person you love, whether it's your spouse, brother, mother, or friend, has let you down, maybe you should ask how have you fought for them? I know sometimes in relationships, people do fight, only to still be told they aren't enough, and that is tragic. But for the rest of you who tell me that wanting to spend time with my husband "is nice now, but just wait, he'll drive me crazy", stop. Have hope that maybe, we will make it. Maybe we really will do our best to always give our best. Maybe we will act like 'lovey dovey' newlyweds long after you think we should. Maybe you should try that with your spouse. Maybe you should make the person in your life, who you really do love deep down, know that they are still your favorite.

Love isn't perfect and it isn't always pretty. But hope is beautiful, no matter where you find it. And I will hold to hope that this love we feel now will last. That we will remember that we can't take each other for granted. Oh we will fail at being selfless. That's the one thing we humans are good at - failing. But getting back up will be worth it and we will decide, no matter how hard or impossible it may seem, to fight back. I know I sound naive, especially to those who have lost or been through love and had it fail and believe this to be impossible. Hope changes everything though. Even allowing the harshness of life strip away the ability to sound naive. It won't be easy. But it will be worth it. So don't tell me to give up or tell me this is the best it gets. Tomorrow is a new day and I get to decide how I feel about how life turns out.

The things about this blog is it may sound stupid. But it's my heart....

There's always that moment in life, the one you never saw coming, that sweeps you off your feet so quickly you don't have time to gasp. One minute you're standing confidently, and then the next you're on your back, wind knocked out of you and head throbbing. Everyone faces moments like this. But even though we all know they're possible, none of us are ever prepared for them when they hit. Happiness and routine inspire comfort and the belief that bad things only happen to other people. You're safe. 

Someone I love has been facing the most difficult situation to ever occur in their life - where one tiny mistake has attempted to completely destroy their life. I've prayed harder than I have ever prayed, and have been overwhelmed with a fear I have never known. All the while, I attempted to have faith that God was still in control of this person's life and is bigger than the evil pain threatening them. It feels as if my knees are bloody from kneeling to pray. Here life was, moving positively with a future and outcome so easily predicted, and bam - my friend was knocked off their feet. My faith and emotions have been on a roller coaster. Until last week, when I got the most amazing peace about the whole thing which inspired these thoughts.

The thing about life is bad things happen. Life can be mostly good, but this world is full of sin, with humans who have free will. God doesn't make bad things happen, humans do. We move and try to conduct our lives the best way we can, but some are using their free will against others, hurting, bashing, destroying. But the fact that bad things happen doesn't mean that we have to be depressed. The old quote of "Life sucks, then you die", is bogus. Because beneath all the pain and torture of this world, there is immense beauty and joy. Sometimes, bad things happen. But there is too much good out there, and too big of a God, to destroy our hope for a better tomorrow. 

The thing about humans is we can't always control what happens to us. We can take precautions, and be the best we can but when the hurting, bashing, and destroying comes, sometimes we're powerless to stop it, and we can't go back and change it. That doesn't mean we're weak, or that God is weak, and it doesn't mean we should curl up and die. Pain will come to an end, and there is still beauty and joy to be had. Lack of control drives us humans crazy. But faith has the power to heal. Faith that God is in control of our lives and while he didn't cause what happened, he can help us heal and move on from it. Even if we have no idea what will happen next.

The thing about faith is it's not meant to be easy. It's far from easy, actually. God didn't create us to be robots or drones. We're so incredibly designed with a million details that sum us up that even after all the thousands and thousands of years we humans have searched, we still don't fully understand every function of the human body. It's our nature to question, our nature to demand answers. And there's nothing wrong with that. But what happens when we don't have the answers? When we don't know or understand why something has happened, our pleas for answers seem ignored, or when we don't know where our lives our going? Faith keeps us sane when the world tells us we're lost. 

The thing I learned this week is faith doesn't go unrewarded. When I was finally able to have faith that God was in control even though I don't know why this difficult situation came up or what the final outcome will be; when I wiped my eyes from all the angry tears and sighed that frustrated sigh that feels like defeat and gave every worry over to God, I was rewarded with peace of mind and the understanding that sometimes the is no answer to why things happen, and that sucks, but it's not the end. And it doesn't mean God doesn't know why or doesn't have control. I'm rambling. My point is my friend will live. Their life may drastically change, but that doesn't mean God has turned his back on them. He is still mighty and loving. He can still work this situation for good, even if the good isn't visible for years. I will still pray for my friend, and I'll admit at times, I still have a hint of fear. But my fear isn't crippling, and it's not fear of the unknown, because I know the unknown is known by God (haha follow that one!). I fear the answers and solution won't be the ones I'm looking for. Even if they're not though, God is still in control, we are still loved, there is still beauty and joy in this world, and tomorrow is a new day.