One change that happened was all due to a little boy named Tobias. I had no idea the human heart was capable of so much love for someone so new. He was so small, so beautiful, my little nephew. The second I met him, I cried, because that's how I roll, but I also pulled a grinch. My heart felt like it grew three sizes that day. It's hard to believe the little tyke is almost a year old! My world is so much sunnier with his little smile. If you have nieces or nephews, you know that nothing makes you feel more accepted then the love of someone your siblings blessed the world with.
The second thing that happened seemed slightly complicated at first. I took a look at my life, the humans in it, and determined who it was that influenced me both good and bad. And then for the first time in my life, I decided to love who I was. No matter what was said. I decided I had to chose who I wanted to be, I couldn't let others decide for me, or define me. Christ defines me. And he thinks I'm a masterpiece. This hasn't been easy. It's hard to see yourself in a positive light when you've always seen negative, and when others try to tell you that you have no worth. It seemed so many who loved me told me I was not good, I was not wanted or loved, and when I was loved, it wasn't worth it for them. How cold of a person must someone be to take every insecurity you have and tell you that you were right to have them? What's interesting is once I started to look closer I realized it's not coldness, but being so lost and against their own selves that makes them so negative. Then I didn't pity myself or have bitterness, I just felt pity for them. And what's more - the negative humans in life aren't numerous, they're just louder. When I really examined who was in my life, the humans who loved me just seemed to grow! The number was so much greater then I thought. I am beautiful, loved, loving, generous, quirky, loyal, and a blessing to so many. It's important to remember who we truly are, and not what people say we should be or say we aren't. And removing the negative humans from being able to influence me changed my life.
The third thing that changed everything, shocker, was Brad. This boy who was my friend, who was off limits and not someone I thought anything could ever happen with, came out of no where and blew me away. He has taught me to love again, myself and others. He has made me into one of the girls I always envied and despised, who is sappy, ridiculously starry eyed, and constantly boasting about him. It's not that I want to flaunt what I have, it's that I can't help but exclaim who he is- an amazing human who is so gracious to loving to all. I have never loved a human so fiercely as I have loved him. And I never believed I could be so loved as he has loved me. It hasn't been perfect or always easy, but oddly that's why it is perfect, at least for us.
All of this as shown me things can change for the better and that sometimes the impossible can happen.....At this point I feel like I'm just babbling. And I'm sure it's boring. But this year, this beautiful, imperfect, challenging and changing year that had flown by is almost over. As amazing as its been, I'm not sorry to see it go. I am just super excited to see where next year will go, and to experience what blessings and changes are in store! Merry Christmas, and truly, Happy New Year!
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